Secret Soul Fly
by TheNobodysWriter
Summary: Quinn knew that losing more weight wouldn't make her happy. But she couldn't stop thinking about it. Her twinny Porce was falling deeper into his eating disorder. And what the hell was wrong with Kurt?/Klaine Warnings: Eating Disorder, Life as Pro-Ana...


**Secret Soul Fly**

**Title:** Secret Soul Fly  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> Blaine/Kurt, Quinn/Kurt friendship  
><strong>Sumary:<strong> Quinn and Kurt both have a secret. They are eating disordered and know each other since before Glee Club, without knowing it. Both have been members in an internet Forum for a while now and got to know each other there. Quinn as „DreamQueen" and Kurt as „PorcelainDoll" befriend each other and became each other's „twin's". After losing a lot of weight and going throught Recovery they still are as close as always, the only difference is that Quinn is now healed and Kurt is not.  
>When PorcelainDoll begins to lose more weight and losing control over his Eating Disorder, Quinn wants so badly to help him. But she doesn't know who PorcelainDoll is in real life and what the hell is wrong with Kurt?<br>Warnings: Eating Disorder/s, Self-Harm, Depression, TRIGGERING!

**Author's Note:** This story can be, or better, will be very triggering and I hope that my dear readers won't let themselfs be led by the !not healthy! way of thinkingm that's going to be shown in this story.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee or any Character of that show and I do not own the following poem.

**Prologue**

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><p><em>She used to have a choice instead,<br>she gave away her voice, she fled,  
>made her desperate cries a <strong>secret<strong>._

_A life of lies and lost control,_  
><em>one that will devour her whole.<em>  
><em>and that slowly kills her <strong>soul<strong>._

_Many people ask us why,_  
><em>we answer them before we die,<em>  
><em>life isn't worth living,<em>  
><em>if you can't <strong>fly<strong>!_

_**©Secret Soul Fly - Forum**_

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><p>Brushing her blonde her the girl looked at herself in the mirror. She looked good enough, she thought as she finished aplying her make up. Turning to her side she looked at her belly, straightening herself, makingherself look even thinner.<p>

‚_Quinni, you're baby bump is still visible. You really didn't have to eat that granola bar after breakfast.' _, she shook her head, desperatly trying to lose that thought that was creepy and had hurt her so much in the past.

„Stop thinking like that, you're beautiful the way you are and you are still underweight and that's ok.", she sighed. She had fought so hard against that voice that kept trying to win her over again. She certainly didn't want to go back. She didn't want to start dieting again, counting calories like a maniac, purging after eating to much. She didn't want to be miserable again. And she knew for sure, that losing more weight wouldn't make her happy. It would make her depressed, fighting for an image of herself that would never be real and she was happy now, more than when she weighed less.

She just wished that her Doll would see it the same way she did now. He was getting thinner and even thought he always told her happylily that he had lost weight again, she knew that he couldn't possibly really be happy.

Packing her make up inside her bag she made herself on the way to her first class of the day.  
>Math's, how she hated it. Counting numbers really didn't count to her hobbys. Well, at least not anymore.<p>

* * *

><p>Kurt had been in the same math class as her. He sat at the other end of the room and she kept watching him from afar. She hadn't really talked much to him before. Not that it really mattered, thought. He was unpopular and a bitch, not really friend-material.<p>

_Bzzz bzzz  
><em>She took her cellphone out of her pocket. She'd got a new massage – _she smiled_ – from Porce!

**PorcelainDoll:  
><strong>_Good morning Queeny!  
>How are you?<br>You won't believe it!  
>Today I weighed 62,3 kg!<br>I lost 1,2 kg in just one day!  
>The milk diet is awesome. <em>

_Love,_

_Porce_

She frowned but smiled nonethless. He was too cute for his own good.  
>Making sure that she wouldn't catch her teacher's attention, she replied as fast as possible.<p>

**DreamQueen:**_**  
><strong>__Good morning to you too my twinny. 3  
>I'm fine, just bored to death by my teacher.<br>Math suck's.  
>Today I feel fat again but It'll be better later.<br>Take care of yourself honey, ok?  
>I don't want something to happen to you, don't take it too far!<em>

_But I'm so proud of you!_

_You did it! *smile*  
>You'll get to you're weight goal in no time. :3<br>But be sure that if you take it too far, that I'll want you to stop, ok?_

_Love,_

_Queeny_

Sure, she didn't like the fact that her twin wouldn't let go of his eating disorder.  
>But she understood his predictment, had she been there herself.<br>And she still couldn't stop wanting to lose weight, too.

It still felt like yesterday that she woke up in the mornings, running to her scale and feeling so proud and happy after seeing a lower number.

He would make it.

She knew that he totally would make his dream come true.

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><p>AN: I hope you liked it! It is my first story and it will contain a lot of angst. This is a jourey to a dark human mind and it will (hopefully) show you how someone with a depression and or eating disorder can think.

Hugs and lots of love,

TheNobodysWriter

PS: I know of someone that'll be more than happy to read a review. :3


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